Week in Review — 3/25 - 3/31
On Monday, the Boston Celtics managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, relinquishing a 30-point lead in an eventual loss to the Hawks. I’m not saying that Boston is becoming disinterested in the regular season at this point, but it was odd that they were conducting exit interviews at halftime. Also, another preferred peddler of mania, @Roneneffect, decided to make us all connect with our inner Karens with this post. Afterwards, just to get my head straight, I went to the park, turned my music up really loud, and started barbecuing with the family. I’m now on probation.
On Tuesday, Draymond Green continued adding material to his WWE audition reel with a clothesline on Patty Mills that was inexplicably deemed a common foul. Fortunately for Green, when he does finally make his move to professional wrestling, the transition in the quality of officiating will be pretty familiar in terms of fan confidence and general displays of integrity.
On Wednesday, Green continued his efforts at being the league’s least reliable reclamation project, as he was ejected in the first four minutes of a game against Orlando, prompting Steph Curry to break into tears on the court. I feel bad for Steph; we all know how hard it is to acknowledge when it’s time to say goodbye to a toxic presence in our lives. In other news, Kanye West is still being given interviews. Also, a different shade of Green was in the headlines, as Jalen had another impressive outing with a 37-point performance in an overtime win over the Thunder. The game featured an array of difficult shots by the Rockets guard, who was deeper in his bag than Bruno Mars at an awards show after-party. The shooting display featured several attempts that made you go, “no…no…no…yes!” There’s another impregnation joke there, but I’m gonna give my man a break since he’s been balling.
On Thursday, the Hawks managed to beat the Celtics again as Dejounte Murray hit a game-winner in overtime. Murray, who went 18-44 from the field in the victory, later thanked Trae Young’s hand injury for allowing him to step into Atlanta’s role as the Hawks low-efficiency gunner.
On Friday, Victor Wembanyama outdueled Jalen Brunson in a game that saw Brunson go for 61 and the French phenom getting his first 40/20 game. Wemby continues to assert his dominance in his new arena of competition. In other other news, Beyonce dropped “Cowboy Carter” and a bunch of light mode users lost their minds.
On Saturday, @irishbgs threw down a gladiatorial gauntlet with this thread. I’m not even willing to register an opinion on this one as there are no victors in that virtual arena. Nah, who am I kidding, I mostly agree with the sentiment. While Musk may engender much deserved derision for his dewy Dr. Evil cosplay, Tesla’s in many ways have proven to be worthwhile and culturally important vehicles. That doesn’t mean I think Musk himself is anything better than a bloated racist flesh bag. Perhaps this makes both of Brogan’s points. Also, #applebeesgate hit the NBA threads community in a similarly divisive manner. Much like the conversation about Teslas, Applebee’s has a place in society as a cultural influence, but an unfortunate segment of product evangelists have altered the ability to objectively evaluate the performance of the product. See also: Los Angeles Lakers.
On Sunday, speaking of the Lakers, LeBron James unloaded his XP in a victory against the lowly Nets, going an amazing nine of 10 from the three-point line in a 40-point performance. James continues to defy age in ways usually relegated to known vampires like Pharrell, Paul Rudd, Common, and Ernie Hudson. Unlike those celebrities though, James is showing his age a bit physically. When reached for comment, his hairline coordinator stated that they would continue to develop an approach that keeps James in the upper-echelon of aging players. Jeff Green’s hairstylist could not be reached for comment.
That’s my time, please be kind and rewind.