Week in Review — 4/01 - 4/07
On Monday, the Grizzlies and the Pistons faced off in a matchup I'm pretty sure featured just a bunch of randomly generated characters. Seriously, among some of the game's top players were Chimezie Metu, Jake LaRavia, and Tosan Evbuomwan. You know you're scouring the league's unknowns when the roster announcements are brought to you by Wikipedia.
On Tuesday, Joel Embiid finally returned to the Sixers just in time for their annual playoff collapse. Don't be mad at me Philly fans, you're used to overrated icons getting far too much credit for marginal performance when the expectations are high. See also: Cheez-Whiz. Okay, now you can be mad at me.
On Wednesday, my fellow mixed mister Malachi Flynn must have been channeling dark mode, because he clearly was on CPT, as that 50-point scoring line must have been intended for April 1st. The Blazers and Hornets matched-up in a game that featured fewer future NBA players than this Monday night's NCAA championship game. Also, my boy @dodgerindallas continued his appeals to Kyrie's sensible side, which may be like appealing to Ben Simmons' playing side, but either way, I think I'm developing a crush on Earth. She thicc.
On Thursday, after back-to-back inexplicable losses to the Wizards and the Grizzlies, Doc Rivers gave us this fugue where he continued his habit of passing the buck on the Bucks. This dude avoids accountability like most of y'all are avoiding doing your taxes... yeah, I'm talking to you.
On Friday, the Grizzlies and Pistons squared-off again in a contest in which Memphis' leading scorers included a guy named Trey Jemison and a player named Maozinha Pereira. Has anyone made sure that Memphis didn't just hit "simulate season" about two weeks ago?
On Saturday, the women's NCAA tournament semifinals held us all captive, as Dawn Staley continued her push for America's favorite coach, and Buekers and Clark faced off in a classic. Sadly, the Iowa-UConn matchup ended in a bit of controversy, as an offensive foul call late helped shape the game. Fortunately for women's college basketball, you know you're having a cultural impact when a bunch of people unfamiliar with you all of a sudden decide to join in on some falsely contrived moral outrage. Welcome to the stage of being unnecessarily picked at and torn apart, women's basketball. You made it!
On Sunday, the Bucks managed to lose their fourth game of the week in a defeat to the New York Knicks. When asked why he thought the team was struggling so much during an important stretch of the season, Doc blamed team trainers for not properly handling stretches. When further pressed, Rivers blamed the reporter for not asking the question more clearly. He then left the interview preemptively, blaming the tacos he had at lunch for his early departure.