Week in Review — 5/05 - 5/12
On Monday, we all finally got reprieve from "the beef" as Drake's camp seemed to wave the half-white flag. What a shame, I was really enjoying watching him get roasted while his fans folded themselves into pretzels to defend his honor. Guess I'll go back to Trae Young. Also, the Denver Nuggets fell to a stifling Minnesota defense that had fellow Canadian Jamal Murray all in his feelings, as certified smotherboy Nickeil Alexander-Walker applied the clamps. By the time the contest was over, Murray had lost a towel, a heating pad, the game, and his damn mind. To his credit, for a player who went a frigid 3 for 18 from the floor, throwing that pad at a ref was the closest he was gonna get to a heat check.
On Tuesday, this Khloe Kardashian story below was making the rounds. That's probably the most shot attempts Tristan Thompson has had all season, although the implications tell me my man needs to step up his defense.
On Wednesday, the Knicks won big as Josh Hart continued his ironman efforts of playing every minute of every game. These players from New York are resilient as hell, doing everything they can to fight tooth and nail to stay in the game and help their team win. I'm sorry, I meant to say these players from the New York Knicks are about that life. Others in the greater New York area seem to have more time on their hands.
On Thursday, the Celtics lost to the Cavaliers in a dud of a performance where Boston looked about as engaged as Drake's ghostwriters on "The Heart Part 6". This has become a bad habit for Boston: a repetition of lackluster effort that feels oddly familiar, mirthless in its expression, and ultimately bereft of entertainment or joy. Or as it’s known in Hollywood, Zack Snyder’s new project. Also, the Suns fired embattled coach Frank Vogel, deciding that they go a different route than an older defensive-minded coach who had recently won a title but showed an inability to adjust his schemes to optimize player talent.
On Friday, our boy @drew_esco dropped this. But let's evaluate: OG came into the league as a defensive stopper who has expanded into a very good shooter, he won a title in Toronto, never shows any emotion on the floor, and misses a wealth of important playoff games. The transformation is complete.
On Saturday, the Suns hired Mike Budenholzer...OH WHAT THE FUCK?! The Kyrie redemption tour continued, as he played another stellar game in a big win against the Thunder. Seriously, dude has been flat-out balling. I'm not messing a-round. Also, the Celtics got back on track with a big victory over the Cavs, meaning we get a 24-hour break from the Chicken Little coverage that blankets every damn Celtics game. Seriously, if this is a team in crisis, I invite you all to spend a year as a Bulls fan. Walk a mile in those perpetually mediocre shoes and you'll be kicking every damn Dunkin Donuts sign from here to Franklin Park.
On Sunday, we all celebrated the women that ushered us into this world, while Kendrick Perkins continued to galvanize keyboard warriors everywhere with his A.C. Green-like streak of dropping dumb comments on the air. At this point, I just feel bad for the female hosts on ESPN who have to spend all their time mediating the dumb shit that their lesser informed male counterparts keep doing. Well, not sure I could have constructed a more apt Mother's Day parallel. Also, the Atlanta Hawks were surprisingly awarded the first selection in the NBA draft lottery, which is exciting, as the team and fanbase will now have a new young face to watch hide his rage as Trae hoists another terrible 30-footer.
Remember, it's jokes, I only mean half of what I say 75% of the time.