Week in Review — 3/11 - 3/17
On Monday, the Cavaliers and Suns matched-up in a game to decide which team was more likely to be exposed as a fraud come playoff time. While the Suns got the win, I think in truth, both teams can comfortably go home with the title.
On Tuesday, during a Timberwolves-Clippers game, Kawhi Leonard inexplicably left the bench, the court, and the whole damn arena. Rumor has it that after attempting to use a busy restroom, Kawhi left the Crypto.com Center angered about the toilet situation and will sit out Los Angeles’ remaining home games until the Clippers open their new building next season.
On Wednesday, the Hornets and Grizzlies faced-off in a matchup so bad that tickets were selling for as little as $2. I guess inflation hasn’t hit all segments of life, cause it’s wild when you’re sitting there deciding if you’d rather buy a can of Coca-Cola or attend an NBA game. I’m guessing at this point in the season, Memphis Coach Taylor Jenkins would rather have the Coke and a smile if given the choice.
On Thursday, Jalen Green dropped 37 points in a win over Washington, continuing his streak of impressive play since finding out he was soon to be a father. In all fairness to Green, based on Draya past, it’s got to be intimidating to be included in that professional company of athletes. My dude is trying to step-up his game and stand out in a busy crowd. We see you.
On Friday, @heyitsisang got the early conversation popping with a question asking to explain Kate Middleton in basketball terms. While you have to click below to get the full splendor of responses, the best I could muster was Darko Miličić. Like Middleton, a prospect who burst on the scene with all the hope and promise, underperformed based on the organization’s expectations, and by the end, we were just wondering if he was still alive. Now, I’m not sure if Darko ever doctored any images, but he damn sure doctored that day before the draft workout. This then precipitated a whole proof of life search for our Mayor @YoRush, who was simply just sick. But our man is no longer afforded the courtesy of being left out of anything at this point, he’s basically NBA threads black Forrest Gump. You know, but smarter and better looking, and with a wife that we all really like. Okay, it doesn’t totally work, but you get what I was going for…
On Saturday, Isaiah Thomas returned to the NBA, signing a ten-day contract with the Suns. While I’m stoked for IT, it’s hard to believe that a player who is now in the midst of their eleventh go round with an NBA team has much of a chance of surviving. Kind of like Devin Booker getting back with Kendell. Later, the Warriors and Lakers played in a game so painfully long and plagued by inexplicable mistakes that it might as well have been directed by Zack Snyder. Then, Jalen Brunson faked Keon Ellis out so badly that the Kings called in Nev Schulman for postgame support.
On Sunday, Gradey Dick and Anthony Black decided to trade jerseys in one of the more hilarious set-ups for a phallic joke I’ve seen in awhile. Please take note Marvel, they didn’t string us along for six damn episodes to get to the Dick joke. That’s a deep cut, but some of ya’ll still have a rage boner with me. Also, Kyrie Irving sent the Denver Nuggets home with a game winner so ridiculous he’s now thinking about using it as a talking point.
That’s my time. Be kind and please rewind.