Week in Review — 3/4 - 3/10
On Monday, the Bulls got a big win after a 22-point comeback against Sacramento, and my emotionally dyspeptic journey with this team continues. Seriously, I feel like Micheal Scott: snip, snap. Snip, snap. Do they understand what they are doing to me? Also, the Discord got people, well, discordant. Personally, I don’t get what the fuss was about, but then again, I don’t know what a discord is. So, score another one for blissful ignorance. This must be how the Blazers management feels every day. Sorry @alex.c.singer.86
On Tuesday, everyone’s favorite avuncular Threader, @yourcooluncleken, was thrown into Threads jail, leaving him relegated to sending virtual index cards across the Threads landscape. While I speak for everyone when I say, “free Uncle Ken,” there is something nostalgically endearing about the virtual message in a bottle nature of his correspondence. It’s like being spoken to in proclamations from some distant past. Is this how religions get started?
On Wednesday, the MASH unit Grizzlies beat the who’s still standing 76ers in a matchup that had fewer recognizable faces than the other people in a “Where’s Waldo?” picture.
On Thursday, Ben Simmons announced that he would miss the rest of the regular season, begging the question: How can you miss something that you’re never a part of? Can I miss Woodstock? How about the Age of Enlightenment? Anthony Edwards managed to just about buckle his whole damned upper body on the backboard during a big late block in Minnesota’s win. Gerald Green was the last Timberwolves player we’ve seen attempting to get that high. And at least Ant was in the game.
On Friday, Rudy Gobert became a meme for something that cost his team but sure did entertain the rest of us. Giving us all a glimpse into what the Jordan Poole experience has been like this entire season. Perhaps that’s a little unfair to Poole seeing as his Wizards got off the snide, breaking a 16-game losing streak to the Hornets. But watching those two teams “compete” is like when someone’s drunk friend would insist on putting on Bum Fights Vol. 2. I think I’ll just politely leave the room before I start to get sick…and never return.
On Saturday, Detroit Pistons GM Troy Weaver made the always wise choice of threatening a fan. On the bright side, for a general manager who has guided Detroit to a regrettable 70-229 record in large part because of a succession of questionable decisions, it’s good to know that he is focused on organizational consistency.
On Sunday, the 76ers and Knicks faced off in a matchup so ugly a mother wouldn’t keep its pictures. But both teams are besieged by injuries, so as long as they get healthy, they should both be back to their usual selves come playoff time, breaking their fanbases' hearts in the first or second rounds. Also, most of us were tuned in to the LSU vs. South Carolina matchup, which had a small fracas near the end of the game. In fashions completely commensurate with their personalities, South Carolina coach Dawn Staley was classy in her apology. While LSU coach Kim Mulkey made a strange spectacle of the matter with her postgame remarks. At least we know the outfits match the personality.