Week in Review — 2/19 - 2/25
On Monday, Jacque Vaughn got the full Craig treatment when the Brooklyn Nets fired him on his day off. Kevin Ollie was named the interim coach, and considering the state of that Brooklyn situation, it feels like the Nets are changing drivers after the car crash.
On Tuesday, @stillmaco was coming in hot with some Panda Express hate. While I won’t personally express an opinion, I will say I would rather eat a bag of stale pistachios and some dry-ass jerky than whatever it is they call orange chicken—this quite possibly was an exact scenario I faced on the road recently. The Mayor @yorush got some hackles raised with what felt like a simple observation that wasn’t even food related. But beware, sir, the Land has an ever-burning fire of misery that’s been aflame for decades, so even just a little smoke seems to conjure those torchbearers. Also, JJ Redick got Pat Bev and Austin “I promise I didn’t get this job because of my dad” Rivers all in their feelings when he criticized Doc for his habit of passing on accountability like it’s Karen’s bland-ass potato salad at the barbecue. Doc, who couldn’t be reached for comment, later blamed his lack of response on the team’s publicist not getting the request to him.
On Wednesday, I stared at my screens forlornly as fond memories of games-past danced through my otherwise dormant mind. Food was bland. Water, dry. Air was heavy. As I marinated in the deep aching longing left in the wake of the post-all-star game break.
On Thursday, basketball returned, and with it my sanity, my sense of purpose, my motivation for living…I need some hobbies. The games actually weren’t that great as only three of the twelve contests ended up being single-digit affairs. We wait around all this time for the NBA to get back, and when it finally does, we get what basically amounts to a wet fart of a night. Now I know how my dogs feel when I go out for Taco Tuesdays. Don’t tell the Mayor I said that, he already had a busy week.
On Friday, @jhamartian put @saramontourlewis on front street for providing fewer likes than Victoria Beckham looking over a Cheesecake Factory menu. Also, it would seem that the excitement of the NBA’s return was a bit too much for everyone, as KD had to contend with a female fan throwing b-word boomerangs; damn that thing returned quickly though. Naji Marshall and Jimmy Butler got into it over what I can only assume was coffee preferences. Someone should have let them know that the only coffee we care about is @dr.thompson’s Mad Goat. And fake tough guy Grant Williams managed to make it all of a week before he started pissing off people in his new stop. Dude is like the Johnny Appleseed of irritation.
On Saturday, the Celts kept rolling, the Nets kept reeling, and the Pistons kept stomping on the hearts of their fan base. Sorry @deetroitbasketball, this too shall pass.
By Sunday, the league gave us basketball for 12-straight hours, so I need to go work a bony ass-shaped divot out of the couch before my wife gets home. The Lakers and Warriors returned to form, which is to say they had half of us on Threads slowly dissolving from excitement to frustration to somber acceptance. I swear watching these teams play is like a real-time exhibition of the five stages of grief.
That’s my time y’all.
Remember that “civilized” sounds a lot like “civil eyes.” Look kindly and compassionately upon people for no other reason than just the general desire to be a decent human being.