Week in Review — 1/29 - 2/4
On Monday, our boy B Mo the Prince must have been feeling fearless, cause he sure let sparks fly and got Swifties everywhere seeing red with his take on Taylor hijacking the Super Bowl.
Personally, I didn’t think he was being mean, but he sure got some eyes open for those of us that stepped away from Threads for a couple of hours. But, B Mo I knew you were in trouble, Swifties are delicate and lord knows there will be some bad blood. Shake it off my guy, you’re not the anti-hero. Besides, we all know that if that love story doesn’t work out, this tale will go from wildest dreams to a cruel summer before we can get back to December. So, for everyone that took it personally, you need to calm down. (Thank you to the five people who got what I was doing there). Also, Ben Simmons played in an actual basketball game. Four more appearances this year and I think he wins a free sandwich or something.
On Tuesday, in an effort to apparently drum-up as many boorish misogynistic takes as possible, it was decided that Sabrina Ionescu and Steph Curry—in their three-point shootout over all-star weekend—would compete from their league’s respective three-point lines. Fortunately for the sake of our social media feeds, Sabrina wants all the smoke and has agreed to shoot from the NBA three—the greater sex indeed. Tyrese Haliburton returned in a loss to Boston, and every self-celebrating pundit like me who thought he was the first to notice how awesome this guy was going to become did an internal Tiger Woods fist pump. Our fragile egos rest upon predicting the performance of men in their underwear…don’t judge.
On Wednesday, Dame returned to Portland, KD returned to Brooklyn, and Ben Simmons returned to the injured list. All three players should have had tribute videos for their past performances, because that’s about all the substantive basketball the Nets are gonna see from Ben Simmons.
On Thursday, Black History Month began, and Black people everywhere braced themselves for the onslaught of corporatized virtue-signaling and poorly contrive homages that is the annual capitalistic fare. But shoutout to Blake Griffin nonetheless…a few of y’all hopefully got that. The all-stars reserves came out and everyone on NBA Threads was surprisingly, well, reserved. Way to show those bird-brains what social media civility looks like.
On Friday, Jonathan Kuminga had his eighth straight game with 20 or more points , showing young men everywhere that when the inevitable shaky haircut happens, you can still excel through the temporary hit to your ego. Way to set the example Mr. “I’ll just get a 2 all the way around.”
On Saturday, the mercurial Lakers got a big win against the sizzling Knicks. And speaking of hair, the only thing less consistent than Los Angeles this season has been LeBron’s hairline over the years. Steph got 60 and the Warriors lost, only further confirming two things this season: that scoring 60 does not do much in the way of necessarily winning games (teams are now just 3-3 in those contests this year), and that the Golden State Warriors are trying to make me lose my god damn mind! Sorry, I’m good.
By Sunday, we had received information that Joel Embiid would miss significant time following a forthcoming knee procedure, which considering Embiid’s injury history, the news felt simultaneously gutting and unsurprising; kind of like when Macklemore won that Grammy in 2014. The Bucks lost once again, taking Doc’s record as Milwaukee’s head coach down to 1-3. But don’t worry Milwaukee fans, I’m sure it’s just early jitters and by the time April rolls around he’ll have the Bucks in peak form for a second-round collapse.
That’s my time ladies and gentlemen, tip your waitstaff.